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genejockeyThere is an idiom in Russian: руки из жопы; "rookie is zhOh-py". Literally, "hands/arms growing out of one's ass"; figuratively it indicates that someone is grossly inept at whatever he is doing.
(used purely for illustration purposes; fair use claimed)
As I mentioned previously, this phenomenon has been discovered at Ikea. Appropriately, as it turned out.
Ordered a pile of furniture for our new home. Some damage was noted upon delivery. No biggie, shit happens, let me contact Ikea.
I called. And I called. And I called. And called some more. Out of give or take 20 calls, I managed to get through, oh, maybe three times.
Granted, the first time I was successful on that very same night. After getting through the automated system ("Press one if you made a mistake of ordering online..."), I finally reached some robotic voice, which advised me that their office was currently closed, before hanging up on me. At 2030 Central, 2130 Eastern?
What. The. Fuck?
Perhaps two more times (out of, I remind you, 20 attempts or so), when my call was NOT dropped, I navigated the phone system to the same robotic voice, stating something to the effect of "too many of you assholes are tying up our phone lines, fuck off". Not using those exact words, but it sure came across that way, reinforced by a disconnect that followed. Naturally, I submitted order cancellation on Ikea website and reported a problem transaction to the credit card company; waiting for their update.
That was about five days ago. Today, certain "Marie" in CSC Aftersales got off her behind and finally sent me the following missive in response to my cancellation request:
Hello Gene,
Ugh, lady, I do not recall being on a first name basis with you.
Thank you for reaching out to us. We are sorry for any difficulties that you may have experienced with this order.
Yeah, whatever.
We would need for you to contact us back with a list of the missing items and the damaged and how you wish to proceed.
Hmmm, how do you say that in English?
You will need to send a new email with this information.
And you will need to tell me HOW TO SEND THAT BLOODY EMAIL, because your address does not accept replies and online report form demands information I do not and can not have, such as the case number. Did you give me that case number? Huh?
We thank you for the opportunity to assist you.
Uh-huh, yeah, whatever. With assistance like this...
Please do not reply to this message. Replies to this message are routed to an unmonitored mailbox.
As I pointed out above.
If you have questions please go to https://www.ikea.com/ms/en_US/customer_service/contact_us/contact.html.
...where you can not submit a missing/damaged merchandise form, unless you have a case number, a customer manual instruction booklet number and page numbers in that manual.
You may also call us at 888-888-4532
What makes you think I haven't tried? Results are described above. Although, a new achievement was unlocked today: completed my quest through Ikea phone system to reach a robotic voice that cheerfully informed me that the average wait for a representative is about 90 minutes. What the fuck again, Ikea?
If any of Ikea, ahem, management, reads this, I put in enough details to find out who I am. You know how to reach me with your apologies and resolution offer.
All others, stay tuned.
...oh, and is there any chance that Ikea would use a reputable delivery company in the future? You know, the kind that does not drive beat-up surplus Ryder (I think) trucks and does not leave trash in my driveway?
(used purely for illustration purposes; fair use claimed)
As I mentioned previously, this phenomenon has been discovered at Ikea. Appropriately, as it turned out.
Ordered a pile of furniture for our new home. Some damage was noted upon delivery. No biggie, shit happens, let me contact Ikea.
I called. And I called. And I called. And called some more. Out of give or take 20 calls, I managed to get through, oh, maybe three times.
Granted, the first time I was successful on that very same night. After getting through the automated system ("Press one if you made a mistake of ordering online..."), I finally reached some robotic voice, which advised me that their office was currently closed, before hanging up on me. At 2030 Central, 2130 Eastern?
What. The. Fuck?
Perhaps two more times (out of, I remind you, 20 attempts or so), when my call was NOT dropped, I navigated the phone system to the same robotic voice, stating something to the effect of "too many of you assholes are tying up our phone lines, fuck off". Not using those exact words, but it sure came across that way, reinforced by a disconnect that followed. Naturally, I submitted order cancellation on Ikea website and reported a problem transaction to the credit card company; waiting for their update.
That was about five days ago. Today, certain "Marie" in CSC Aftersales got off her behind and finally sent me the following missive in response to my cancellation request:
Hello Gene,
Ugh, lady, I do not recall being on a first name basis with you.
Thank you for reaching out to us. We are sorry for any difficulties that you may have experienced with this order.
Yeah, whatever.
We would need for you to contact us back with a list of the missing items and the damaged and how you wish to proceed.
Hmmm, how do you say that in English?
You will need to send a new email with this information.
And you will need to tell me HOW TO SEND THAT BLOODY EMAIL, because your address does not accept replies and online report form demands information I do not and can not have, such as the case number. Did you give me that case number? Huh?
We thank you for the opportunity to assist you.
Uh-huh, yeah, whatever. With assistance like this...
Please do not reply to this message. Replies to this message are routed to an unmonitored mailbox.
As I pointed out above.
If you have questions please go to https://www.ikea.com/ms/en_US/customer_service/contact_us/contact.html.
...where you can not submit a missing/damaged merchandise form, unless you have a case number, a customer manual instruction booklet number and page numbers in that manual.
You may also call us at 888-888-4532
What makes you think I haven't tried? Results are described above. Although, a new achievement was unlocked today: completed my quest through Ikea phone system to reach a robotic voice that cheerfully informed me that the average wait for a representative is about 90 minutes. What the fuck again, Ikea?
If any of Ikea, ahem, management, reads this, I put in enough details to find out who I am. You know how to reach me with your apologies and resolution offer.
All others, stay tuned.
...oh, and is there any chance that Ikea would use a reputable delivery company in the future? You know, the kind that does not drive beat-up surplus Ryder (I think) trucks and does not leave trash in my driveway?
